I watched ice settle on everything in sight

1991 was good to you and I

I had hope for something outside of this state

Now I feel it in my hands, my voice, my space

With the lake as your guardian

Palming my lucky charm

You'll break my arm

And I'll cry for my mother

The gifts you overthought and can't get me to take

You and only you would dare treat me this way

"Get in the car!" you scream at her while I'm in pain

I'd said I'd go before I start to go insane

With the lake as your guardian

Palming my lucky charm

You'll break my arm

And I'll cry for my mother

Nineteen

Ninety

Nothing

I'll cry for my mother

Let's talk about the speed of light

I'm done with digging graves, I hid my shovel, I still find trouble

I'm too surprised

My heart grew heavy and sweet

I linger, singing, longing. Singer strong and steady, stinger at the ready

And when you smile, the child inside of me

Waves at the child inside of you

She threw a tantrum when you finally declared allegiance

Apologies, I didn't plan this rigid orbit

Vicious, gorgeous, I am reeling

Nothing feels quite like almost touching

My problems are mine and I'll admit

The thread runs long

and the run reads red

Often I misread the unsaid

There wasn't any clear and present danger

She was always such a stranger to me

When you drove her to shoulder, did you think,

"Does this feel right, this next to nothing?"

Print out the charts, no need for blankets

My feelings fleeced in Fahrenheit

Steer clear of yours, it's rude to ruin

All I ruin is mine

Everyone leaves for California, New York, Chile, Berlin

I'm not going anywhere

The bar's warm and I'm easy to converse with and denial runs its long hands

Through my fine hair with a final, fatal smile

I see your figure cutting fine and heavy, handsome on a mirror

I won't journey any further, fever got me, tough and clever

Time will tell if nothing else

Everything you are I come to fear

What record would I have made if you had not been here?

Every sadness I have ever felt

It manifests as hunger

We dealt with one another well

Cutthroat in my honor

I have never been a joiner, oh well

Stepped back, to my horror

I'd been bored and busted borders

tried and tested

Have I bested myself?

Every missive I have ever fired

I don't mean ammunition

My moods are going missing

I'm caught when your voice beckons on the wind

So much delight and pity

I can't afford to play to win

Nuanced and demanding

I thought I'd reached some understanding of loss

Torn and tread in these departures

Still I dream of gilded archers

Loner ardor—spirits I brew myself

I can't stop bleeding through the sheets

I don't understand this country

I don't understand my own grief

How could you have seen what I see?

I'm in disbelief and bereaved

Haven't lost you, but the timing gives me trouble

Irregardless of your thoughtful patience

I'm just outside the service zone

I will mourn you in advance

So I never really get the chance

I wasn't shaking from the cold

I wasn't holding my hand out

I was so uncomfortable

Just the thought of my bad mouth

I went back to the first place

In the back of the first house

Lying under covers I heard

The worst versions of loving another person

I've been bad at listening

My plans were talking too loud

Finally finished a blueprint

After years of throwing them out

I just wanted to ride with you

And advance to the next round

In pursuit of my own truth

And a won game come sundown

I tried to care enough

So our fear could be irrelevant

But I'm too tough, too tough

And you, you're afraid of horses

I don't know your feelings by their first name

I sure wish I was a star to you

But you’re looking at another moon

Clarified the well with a slotted spoon

Who’s not gonna take the bait?

I can wait, it’s all I ever wanna do

And inhabit this space with you

It’s intimate if I pretend

Would you breach the firewall?

Would you teach us all a lesson?

I would listen if I knew the call

I would whisper back in seconds

Cues for clueing in acquaintances 

It’s everything I need to know

I am never holy in it, and I need desperately

To show you up

Maybe this will leave another scar

Maybe time passes differently where you are

When I sleep I dream of only things I could know

No prophecy, just fields of faded paper snow

The horizon line feels tilted sometimes

But I’ve never learned without a curve

Would you breach the firewall?

Would you teach us all a lesson?

I would listen if I knew the call

I would whisper back in seconds

Cues for clueing in acquaintances 

It’s everything I need to know

I am never holy in it, and I need desperately

To show you up

Would this be the only water

Would yours be the only face

Thrifting through an open fire

You never offered me a taste

Give me only every piece of work that you have ever made

Gifts of surf and shale

I didn’t fight like hell

The double-pane distorts your face, a blur of miles in your reflection

The cards read me martyr but I know better

And it’s not the only lesson

Keep the keys, I’ll be back in just a second

There’s a force to reckon

Half-lidded, heavy hitter

You are my chosen one

I checked for hardened arteries

and other signs of dying life

You loafed around, so lovely,

As I wished with all my might

Hands beholding gift of golden

Sing me songs of no despair

I'll go on trusting you and stare

Into my own opposing rhetoric of longing

And remember, while walking,

It's a knife to the ribs

I did this, though, didn't I?

And I didn't try that hard after that

And I'll regret it for my whole life

We drove past the fire, but the smoke hung in the mirrors for a long time

Sweetness, did you notice how the fire filled the fortress

Smokey fist raised in protest

Anybody with permission gets first pick of the litter

Mine's a tiger

Wish that I had settled but the mystery of metal got me thinking

Truthfully I tinkered, all the terror I'd been drinking

With the misery of circles sans the clattering and clinking

Filled with failures my memory plated just so

My brain tells me to run

Like there's danger when there's none

And I feel so far from home

But you're not that close

You said yes to community

And I guess you thought that meant full immunity

My brain tells me to run

Like there's danger when there's none

And I feel so far from home

But you're not that close

I can see the end of everything

You say that it used to be an open prairie

When will you say other things that scare me?

Interchanges and fajitas

Bless your heart, your margaritas

We didn't need to drive 900 miles

To understand where the other was coming from

It wasn't cathartic despite

Being the start of something new

I'll keep trying harder

I'll keep trying not to parse the news

I know you're depressed

I'm not trying to suppress your sadness, too

I made my guesses and I messed with Texas

How could you?

How do you die?

How do you quietly goodbye this?

Could I prop you up?

I just need you to hold on a little bit longer

Everything sits, light on a blade

Leaf of my life

Fade it away

My love is such a need

Its dirty roots grow deep

You're tough to love, she says to you

But worth it, too

Your sweaters, your shoes - barely used

Cut string to the sky and I'm loose

My love is such a need

Its dirty roots grow deep

And my love is a neon sign

Forty feet high